Monday 17th December 17:28

"Turn the Lights Off When You Leave"

MTL Newsletter October 22nd 2012

Hi everyone,

There's an old saying in self-development training that says, "Winners never quit; and quitters never win".

OK, but what if you're in a situation that sucks? One that you've been beating your head over for what seems like ages and just isn't getting any better. Do you quit? Do you fear that quitting will make you a loser?

All of us go through such situations at various times in our lives and many of us don't change for fear of quitting and fear of losing. We often weigh up the risks of staying the same against the risks of change and lack the courage or support to let go and move on.

If you're currently in such a situation, there are different ways you can sense the need for change.

One of my favourite writers is Danielle LaPorte. She says that giving up on what's not working doesn't mean failure; it means you make way for success. I like that. Danielle adds that there are 8 indicators that tell you when things are not working:

1. You use "it sucks" in a sentence to describe any aspect of your situation.
2. You "drag your ass" to it.
3. Sunday night anxiety (dreading Monday.)
4. Dismal sales (yes, the universe speaks to us through cash flow.)
5. The bleak absence of synchronicity.
6. Not a whole lot of thanks coming your way.
7. Your mother is your best customer.
8. Seething resentment.

Another indicator that I use is to get in touch with that "pit-of-the-stomach" feeling. If it feels bad down there, then something's not right. You have a block that you've got to remove.

So what can you do?

In any situation that just isn't working, you always have three choices:

1. leave the situation alone but change your attitude to it. This suggests that you are blocking out the inherent benefits in the situation and you need to do some work on you, your attitudes, and your way of behaving.

2. change the situation. This works if you think the blocks are external to you, for example with other people's attitudes and behaviour. If you have great assertiveness, influencing and negotiating skills, this might be your best option. In reality, of course, the changes in the situation result in a change in your attitude to the situation, so we're really back to point one.

3. leave the situation. This is the route that many of us want to take but feel guilty about taking. It implies that the problem is all your own fault and that, somehow, you have failed. However, when routes 1 and 2 are not possible, this option is always better than doing nothing at all.

Danielle LaPorte says that when you've been through this list and know that you've got to leave a situation that's not working, you shouldn't worry about how you're going to manage the next steps. Once the decision is taken, you'll probably feel a sense of elation. You now have a new vantage point on where to go next.

Letting go of a bad situation gracefully and moving on without regret is the sign of a winner, not a loser. As Danielle, says, look forward, don't look back. Just turn the lights off when you leave and announce your new destination.

Eric

ManageTrainLearn 2012