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Get Everything You Want By Being Assertive

Assertiveness is many things to many people. At one level, it is a way of communicating with others that helps you honestly express what you want. At another level, it is a win-win view of the world in which you respect the genuine desires and rights of others in the same way as you respect the genuine desires and rights of yourself. Assertiveness is one of the ways we re-connect with the way we were when we were babies, which is who we really are, rather than the way we have learnt to become as a result of the world's sometimes false values. Assertiveness is a positive way of looking at the world not a negative one. It allows you to focus on deciding, getting, and enjoying what you want and leaving what you don't want to play no part in your life.

Getting What You Want: Allan Pease's Story

When we operate from an assertive state, we get what we want because we close down the negative and focus on the positive.

Allan Pease is a communications trainer who has become known as "Mr Body Language" from his expertise in using non-verbal communication to convey what he wants. He recalls how he was once conducting a seminar on communicating assertively. One student would make for him during each break and find any excuse to complain. He would complain about the weather, about his football team, about how he was being treated by his ex-wife and so on and on. Alan decided that, every time this fellow complained, he would ignore him as if none of it were registering. He just looked elsewhere, picked at his lunch or read the newspaper. When, however, the odd positive comment cropped up, Alan's face would light up and he would engage in assertive and win-win conversation. After using this technique for a while, the student started to communicate in a pleasant and good-natured way with Alan while reverting back to his pessimistic complaining with everyone else.

By assertively attending to what he wanted and ignoring what he didn't want, Allan Pease effected a change in the behaviour of the other person and attracted from him only responses that he wanted.

The Five Premises of Assertiveness

There are five premises of Assertiveness that are at the heart of attracting to yourself anything you want.

Assertiveness Premise 1: You are a person who, in your natural state, has a connection with well-being, confidence, and love. This is who you really are. It is who you were when you were a baby even if, since then, you have been taught other people's rules of "how to get what you want in life" through dishonest and manipulative means.

Assertiveness Premise 2: Despite the rules that others have taught you, you have an infallible guidance system to let you know when you are operating from your natural state of well-being, assertiveness and love and when you are not: your emotions. If something feels wrong or bad or uncomfortable, as is often the case when you follow other people's rules, you are off-kilter in some degree and not operating from the real you.

Assertiveness Premise 3: When you are operating from the real you, ie in a state of well-being, assertiveness, and love, you send out positive vibrations that result in you attracting more of the same, so that your life becomes better and better in terms of giving you what you want.

Assertiveness Premise 4: When you get things you don't want, ie the absence or opposite of things you do want, this is not because you are undeserving, unworthy, or doing something wrong. Nor is it because there is something wrong with you. It is purely and simply because, in your attentive thoughts and beliefs, you are focused in some degree on absence, lack and limitation. These beliefs interrupt your connection to the real you of well-being, confidence and love and, when they show up in your life, they are the Universe's way of reminding you who you really are.

Assertiveness Premise 5: When you don't get what you want, use your emotional guidance system to re-connect with who you really are. Be more like you were when you were a baby. Be light-hearted, trusting, and playful. Focus on being a person who is assertive, meaning a world view of win-win; loving, both for others and yourself; and full of a sense of well-being. Then those things you want will come into your life in abundance.